#i’m just gonna assume it’s racism because I can see a pattern here

[midethefangirl]

“the grossest ship to exist”?! what the fuck is the writer of that article on?! are they gonna seriously act like fans have not been shipping Thor with Loki or Peter Parker with Tony Stark for years now? acting like people were not shipping the Maximoff twins with each other? but an ETL ship is the “grossest” to them?!

Latest Marvel News: ‘Black Panther: Wakanda Forever’ Hate Train Crashes and Burns as the Cast’s Next MCU Crossover Is All but Confirmed

Why does this need a highlight? Just goes on to show that big franchises only work on major appeal and often throw possibly loyal fans under the bus for reviews and articles. To make a drama out of the just people trying to like something and putting in at the center for a debate.

Not like we get enough hate already. People on Tik tok would make the most beautiful edit and then have to put a disclaimer because the comments are so awful.

It's like we don't have the agency to even like a fictional ship, when even worser things on the internet get hailed and praised. There are literally even more toxic relationships in books that most often times get romanticized.

The title of the article and the need to call something that a group of fans like as "The grossest thing to exist" doesn't even make sense and it only makes me angry.

This is just Reylo all over again 🙄😮‍💨

[demonqueenart]

im just gonna be so genuine and say i love you but i dont understand what racist remarks you're talking about and it's really frustrating for me to hear people talk about this like its so serious when i havent seen anything at all thats bad. im white so i think i may have genuinely missed things but could you please just give me some examples? i really am trying to understand where you guys are coming from its just getting hard because everyone is just getting mad at each other whenever they talk about it. i know people are mad bc of something dan said about not being able to come on tour to third world countries and possibly something he said in like 2011 when he was in his crazy fake tan phase? i just really am not seeing anything here that i think would get people so worked up and i would love to understand better

Hey anon, I understand where you coming from. And I really appreciate you trying to understand better.

To be really honest, why things have blown up now is because of the upcoming tour. It’s not really about why they couldn’t go to the other continents when they’re planning to do 32 shows in US, even though that’s also fishy af cause they could’ve easily dipped into Mexico, and the route they using feels like they’re avoiding latam specifically. The way that they handled this with poc fans is the problem, because while they’re being excited from the tour or whatever, they have not once tried to explain why they couldn’t go to poc fans (or the majority of us that is. Some of us might live somewhere else.)

The way they keep retweeting and being hyped about the tour, while basically intentionally avoiding talking to us is just.. it hurts. Most of us complain about this, and even more expressing how they just need dnp to give them an explanation. But never once did they do it. Instead, they even launch more trailer lol. And I know they saw it, there’s a lot of us and they like snooping on social media anyway. It makes us feel like we’re not part of the tour, that it wasn’t meant for us. And it was actually the first time I questioned if I was really a part of this community at all.

Turning back to phandom with that state of mind, it can feel like everyone is abandoning you. Because just like dnp, everyone is only talking about the tour, and not about how this exclusion needs to be addressed. It’s understandable why people would feel angry when they just keep being ignored like their voices didn’t matter. But I know now, just because people didn’t interact with me, doesn’t mean they didn’t want to be there for me. We just might come from a different place. (Btw, if you’re western and you have poc friends who’s affected by this, please reach out to them. The reason why I’m still here rn is because of all my friends, western friends included, saying they’ll be there for me throughout this racism thing. They might be angry and hurt, and even assume the worst of you. And I won’t ask more than you can do. But saying you understand (or at least empathize the situation they’re in) and that you will support them no matter what, will help them a lot.)

Dan clearly carry a micro aggression around latam, and the fact that this still occur in wad really says a lot about how they’ve not grown from that. When dan said brazil and mexico were 3rd world country on was, that makes us feel like he’s looking down on us. And the fact that they have avoided latam specifically without giving any reason why they couldn’t go, well, there’s only so many things you can assume is happening under the surface. This makes us feel like they’re looking down on us, and that they’ve never seen their poc fans as equals.

The reason why the old stuff was brought up is because this isn’t the first time this has happened. Dan has made a lot of racist remarks, and while it’s understandable to slip up from time to time, and even more understandable why he might be afraid to actually apologize and own things up, it doesn’t excuse the patterns that are being repeated here. When he doesn’t take accountability to his past mistakes and keep repeating the patterns of racism and exclusion, that indicates he’s going to keep oppressing us forever without ever acknowledging it. And THAT is not okay.

We don’t want to cancel them, never once do we want that. We only want dnp to hear us and actually talk to us about this. They are not beyond redemption, but it’s going to be hard for them to open up considering the past fifteen years of them not doing that. So the only thing we can do at this point is to be more opened up about their racist remarks. We’re bringing up past mistakes now, because there’re still a lot of people who have been affected by this, and them not bringing it up is not going to make all that hurt go away. So I suggest, we should bring it up, not to cancel them or demonize them! But to acknowledge it exists so that we can heal from it. We can learn to love dnp despite being flawed, and normalize how to take accountability to make this place safer for poc. These voices can’t be avoided because that’s also a form of exclusion in this community. I want everyone to feel welcomed here, so I’ll listen to their voices when they need it. That way, there will be a place for poc to belong in this space. We can learn to include each other in, or at least I hope so :3

*also, this will be very funny if this ask turns out to be dnp, but whatever lol xD Hope we can catch up someday whoever you are (✿˵ ꒡3꒡˵)৴♡*

[jodysaywer]

Don’t know how to start this but like I’m kind of tired of staying silent on the Shadow and Bone racism.

I don’t think I would have been as mad had this series not be treated as the pinnacle of representation. While I understand you can’t get it perfect ever, there are lots of parts that I hope we don’t make the same mistakes next time.

I think that the biggest problem about it is that it only caters to ‘diversity’ for white people — it has this sort of version of a commodity activism where white people can see it and be like ‘but the characters are diverse!’ The racism is really obvious so they can say, ‘You shouldn’t call poc slurs!’ And give themselves a pat on the back for supporting the characters and ‘not being racist.’

Just for the record, in the books there are also lots of stereotypes against all the pocs especially Jesper that makes me uncomfortable but I’m not sure if it’s my place to say (but like if anyone wants to go ahead). Here I’m going to talk specifically about the East Asian ones.

SPOILERS AHEAD

First of all the problem in the show is that it’s directed specifically towards East Asians. There were so many wonderful pocs there but Alina was true only one constantly getting attacked. And I’m definitely not saying other pocs should get attack too, I’m saying the opposite. Gonna say this out of experience, racism for me hurts more when it’s coming from another poc bc it’s because I don’t anticipate it like I do with white people so having woc like Zoya being racist to Alina was not only useless to the plot but also extremely damaging.

Alina is also manipulated constantly by a white guy (and shipped with him). Her ability is what makes her stand out against others and she basically went straight to be his favorite to be paraded around. You can see others who have worked hard like Zoya get angry and jealous (rightfully so) this creating a divide between Alina and others. It really made me feel like being the Model Minority where we are the weapon white supremacy use against other minorities to say that they’re not racist but in reality we’re just their pawns. We are constantly paraded by white supremacy to other minorities as an ‘good example’ and white supremacy has constantly belittled the hard work of other pocs blaming everything on them being ‘lazy’ instead of admitting the glaring institutional blocks they put that prevents other pocs to thrive. The addition of the power imbalance of Alina and the Darkling as a ship (and a heavily romanticized ship) is so damaging as an Asian woc who is historically and constantly fetishized by white men too, especially with the Darkling being someone who is cruel and and oppressive to others. It’s not your enemies to lovers trope as I’ve seen people pass it off as.

There are no other East Asians in the background though they’re are a lot of other pocs so intentionally Alina is the only one (She is half Shu so imagine the ramifications of the didn’t have Ravka blood at all and had more prominent East Asian features). This pattern of being the only one there is a constant reminder of feeling like a foreigner and that I don’t belong.

Unfortunately this parallels to the books. In the Shadow and Bones series itself where Alina is white, the two East Asians (who are also half white) are Tamar And Tolya who are basically Alina’s bodyguards. Although they are physically there in the series most of the times you don’t see a lot of their personality expect for one being an LGBT token and the other one reciting poems that no one wants to hear. Alina also casts them aside for whiter characters and is sort of uncomfortable with them? (Also no one in the fandom like talks abt them which kinda hurts but yeah….it’s the same as the books)

This feeling of having Asian characters making others uncomfortable also goes to Six of Crows with Kuwei who is Shu and basically just a money bargain for the Crows. Everyone just assumes he couldn’t speak their language (he can and thats the plot twist) because of where he’s from and they sort of ignore him except for Wylan who is rude to him just because they like the same person. Then Wylan spends almost of all book two borderline yellowfacing (while I understand how uncomfortable it must have felt to have to exist and carry around in a face that’s not yours, the fact that this was a white boy constantly being angry of having an Asian face probably wasnt the best choice). Also Kuwei himself is a little weird too and comes off as uncomfortable to Jesper like the way her pushes himself to Jesper and kisses him without his consent. I’m not excusing Kuwei’s actions at all and I think that what he did was wrong but having him as the only rep there for me doing that made me feel rather icky about myself in a way where I’m like, ‘is this how im perceived to others?’ Kuwei made me feel a bit like a burden and a bit of a creep. (I see some people be like, oh he’s sassy! He’s got like 5 lines! He’s honestly just constantly transported in different places to hide in the book like he’s some repressed cargo, that action itself speaks so loudly about being constantly silenced)

The Shu itself in the books are also like? They do experiments on Grishas which basically feels like the stereotypical sci-fi, dystopian, or whatever genre that squally go ‘Asia experiments on people because they have no humanity’ and etc. (Kuwei’s dad being the scientist who found the drug that basically hurst grishas also isn’t great lol)

Also in the books most pocs chacters have light eyes which is like a small thing but it kind of annoys me in the way we’re so focused on western standards of beauty.

——

The thing is, I’m not saying this out of hate. Leigh is one of my favorite authors and I absolutely love her but I feel like the fandom puts these series on a much bigger pedestal for seemingly being diverse and while it is character race wise, the stereotypes imbedded in these are important too. It really hurts when your favorite books see you as weird and foreign and casts you aside. It hurts when most of the characters that are supposed to look like me makes me feel most uncomfortable. So please keep that in mind.

[autisticcassandracain]

Yeah went and reread Tales of the New Teen Titans #1 to see if I had my facts straight and I did! And it still sucks!! It’s a great example of like, the worst way to do a ‘your choices always matter’ storyline.

The obvious issue here is the racism. I’m white and also don’t know a whole bunch about race politics of the 1980′s so I’m not going in depth on this, since I’m really not qualified to do so, but you really don’t need to be an expert to see that this is racist as hell. 

The entire message of Vic’s backstory as portrayed here is that race doesn’t matter, and that if you think it does, you have a victim complex and you’re blaming the world for your own problems. It pushes this whole ‘colourblind’ agenda with just a little bit of ‘you can be racist to white people to’ in it. Like seriously they’re not being at all subtle about it:

[Image: several panels showing Vic, Ron, and Marcy having a conversation; all of them are Black. Ron: “You chicken, boy? You forget you owe me? We’re gettin’ it from both sides, boy - even the cops are comin’ down on us ‘cause we’re black.” Vic: “I don’t believe that, Ron. That doesn’t mean...” Marcy: “It means everything, Victor - everything! My father was passed over for promotion for some white dude. The colour of our skin marks us, Vic. An’ like my father says, maybe we should start doin’ something about it.” Vic: “I don’t know, honey. This isn’t my kinda fight.” End description.]

Within the context of the story, the claim that that the police is coming down on Ron and his friends because they’re Black is absurd; he’s asking Vic to help him in a gang fight, and he has a history of stealing and just generally doing crime. Marcy’s claim that her dad was passed over for a promotion because he’s Black never gets refuted, but again, within the context of the story, it is called into question. Specifically, with this conversation later:

[Image: three panels showing Vic and Ron talking. Vic: “You’re letting your own hate consume you, Ron.” Ron: “Easy for you to say, man. You got a scholarship for college your old man arranged... you got it all.” Vic: “Just stop it right there, Ron. Nobody gave me that scholarship. I worked damn hard for that. My dad fought me, wouldn’t give me a penny unless I majored in science. But I proved myself. I worked an’ got what I wanted. Anyone can do that, Ron - and the color of your skin doesn’t matter one damn bit.” End description.]

With Vic, clearly the voice of reason here, stating that hard work is how you get things, and that ‘the color of your skin doesn’t matter one damn bit’, it retroactively calls Marcy’s claim that her dad was passed over for a promotion due to his race into question. It essentially implied that if Marcy’s dad had worked harder, he wouldn’t have been passed on for a promotion. 

Both of these conversations are examples in a larger pattern shown throughout the entire issue, in which it is repeatedly asserted that hard work and choices are what ultimately decide your fate, and that thinking race matters in that is pretty much just a victim complex. And that’s stupid as hell! The police do routinely racially profile people, I assume I really don’t have to get into their bias against Black people specifically, and Black people absolutely do get passed up for scholarships and promotions because of their race. But the events of this issue have been structured so that those claims look like the cries of people unable to own up to their own choices, blaming society when they should be blaming themselves.

(Also Vic’s friend Ron falls in with a bunch of racially-motivated terrorists that I would bet real actual money are intended to be a thinly veiled version of the Black Panthers. There’s so much to unpack there but I’m very not qualified to do so so I’m just gonna leave it at: that’s really racist buddy!)

This is a theme with Vic specifically as well. Vic is used as the mouthpiece for our white writers, to state what they think is the truth of the world, and this is far from the only time they frame Vic as overly angry and having a victim complex. Specifically, they do it a lot with his anger towards his parents. This also appears in this issue. 

In this issue, it’s revealed that Vic’s parents, for a good part of his childhood, essentially treated him more as an experiment than a kid. This is text. 

[Image: a flashback sequence showing Vic’s childhood. The first panel shows him right after being born, his parents lovingly caressing him, with the narration: “Y’gotta undersan’, my parents loved me, sure... but they were busy then, workin’ for a university as research scientists.” Next panels shows Vic playing in a lab while his parents work, narration: “I played in their lab while they tinkered with their computers. They were searchin’ for ways to boost intelligence back then...” panel moves to show Vic in either a childhood bedroom or a model of it, behind glass, with wires strapped to his head, being monitored by his parents, “An’ me.. well, I guess I was handy. They probed me, tested me, wired me up , and God knows what else. Sometimes I thought I was more guinea pig than a son to them...” End description.]

It’s made clear that his parents loved him, and they did take him to fun activities like the circus and ball games every once in a while, but Vic was kept heavily isolated for most of his childhood, and play definitely came second to studying and being studied. 

All of this is incredibly fucked up! Like supremely fucked up! Like would seriously traumatize a child fucked up! And to a degree, it seems the writers realized this, but they took every opportunity to try and downplay how extremely fucked up this is, by having Vic himself directly refute it multiple times. But it’s like they want to have it both ways; they continuously stress how much Vic’s parents love him, while also having Vic repeatedly assert how unloved he felt, and how much he felt like a computer or a guinea pig more than anything else. 

Complicated relationships with parents exist, obviously, and this would fall under that, which explains Vic’s behaviour. The problem is less that it exists, and more that the narrative continues to frame Vic’s assertion that his parents weren’t that bad as truth. Especially as the issue goes on, and Vic’s teenage self becomes more and more angry with his parents, it invalidates that anger and uses it to play into the theme of ‘you always have a choice’ that this issue wants to push, to the point of having Vic’s mom say it directly:

[Image: panel of Vic’s mom saying: “Don’t you dare give me any ‘buts’, Victor. Nobody took your hand and pushed you into this. Nobody but you. You wanted public school, we gave it to you. You wanted sports, we didn’t stop you. You could have gone anywhere, done anything... but you know what your problem truly is? You don’t know what you want. Your father was right. There is anger inside you. But, damn it, don’t ever aim that anger at us, Victor. Aim it where it belongs - at yourself, for ruining every opportunity you’ve had.” End description.]

The way this is phrased, as if Vic going to school was some gracious gift from his parents, when the explicit reason he wanted to go to school was because he was lonely because he had no peers to interact with, is really weird! Especially since his father argued against it! Same goes for his mom saying ‘you wanted sports, we didn’t stop you’ - because yes, while they didn’t stop them, and his mom seems to be fairly supportive of it, his dad definitely wasn’t. He repeatedly refers to sports as ‘a waste of Victor’s potential’ and, as seen earlier, point-black refused to pay for Vic’s college unless he went into the field of study he wanted Vic to. So sure, while his father never forbade him from playing sports, he actively discouraged it for no other reason than his own personal biases. 

No, Vic’s parents aren’t portrayed as perfect - far from it. And it’s clear that Vic’s anger is, at least in part, caused by the way his parents treated him growing up. But ultimately, it’s Vic who’s held responsible for that anger - his mom says directly ‘don’t you dare aim that anger at us’, when frankly, Vic aiming his anger at his parents is a very valid thing to do. Not in the context of why Vic’s being lectured (getting into a gang fight), but again, this is a narrative built to validate Victor’s mom here. It wants you to agree with what she’s saying, even though logically, Vic has every right to be angry at his parents.

This issue really embodies the problems ‘you always have a choice’ narratives tend to have. They construct their stories such that you can’t argue that a character made the wrong choices; Vic shouldn’t have gotten into a gang fight, and he’s wrong to blame his parents for that choice. Ron should have cleaned up his act, and he’s wrong to blame society for his misery. These statements are true within the context of the story.

But if you look at their wider implications, at the way Ron’s concerns of racism are devalued by the ‘you always have a choice’ narrative, the way Vic’s anger towards his parents is framed as unreasonable because of that same narrative, it starts causing issues. Yes, you do always have a choice; but what choices you have is heavily influenced by the circumstances you live in, and the same amount of choices isn’t always given to every single person. And that’s something that these types of narratives often really don’t like to acknowledge. 

[inkdemonapologist]

Okay but I do actually want to know both the things you love and the things you could rant about from DCTL?

OH BOY UHHHHHH okay lets see, I'm gonna see if I can do the "add a readmore after you post it" thing and see if that'll keep it stable.......

But also, much like Sammy, I am incapable of shutting up unless you strike me in the head with a blunt object, so uh, forgive my wordiness:

THINGS I ENJOY:

- DCTL gave us Sammy's ink addiction and like, if you had asked me before all this "what would you most like to see in a franchise?" I would not have answered "one of the characters drinks ink accidentally and then discovers that he can't stop" but boy that sure is my favourite concept that I LOVE to see handled literally any other way than how the book handled it!!!

- I like what it added to Tom and Allison and Norman!! Like, it's not big twists on their characters or anything -- we already knew Tom felt he was doing the wrong thing, so getting to see his CRUSHING GUILT over creating the machine isn't New Information, but it's nice to see and understand more of him; for all of them I feel a lot more attached to them after getting to see more of them as people.

- Like 90% of the "I LOVE IT" category for me is how the book handled Joey, and Buddy's relationship with Joey. The way Joey isn't a Sinister Mastermind Who’s Just Screwing With Everyone but just manipulative in a more mundane way -- someone who thinks of himself as just the guy with the vision to call the shots; he wants what he wants and this is how he's learned to get it; he exploits people not through devious schemes, but just by offering them something that they want or need and asking too much in return, expecting their loyalty for his favours. And the way he interacts with Buddy, making Buddy complicit with him and keeping Buddy off-balance and insecure while making him a favourite and treating him as Special is just PERFECT --  gives a lot of content to kind of extrapolate off of when pondering what must've drawn the others in and convinced them to ignore the red flags. I was initially frustrated with the idea of Buddy not being an artist and jUST DECIDING TO LEARN TO ANIMATE ON THE SPOT ("I've never done this before but I'm sure I can just do an artist's job" is a weirdly common throwaway thing in media and as an artist iTS A PET PEEVE) but actually the way they use his plagiarism to make him trapped in a lie in ways Joey doesn't even realise ends up being a neat echo of other employees (coughTOMcough), who were involved in much graver sins but suddenly felt they couldn't object or they'd lose their one chance, just like Buddy. There's a lot here that I think is really great.

OKAY THATS THE GOOD STUFF, LET'S COMPLAIN ABOUT SAMMY:

- Uncomfortable Bigotry Vagueness that we all knew was gonna be in this list -- I dunno man, a guy committing a microaggression and getting startled and defensive when he's called out for it doesn't necessarily completely ruin his character I GUESS, but the way this was handled is just SO WEIRD AND VAGUE that it's uncomfortable and it doesn't seem to serve any real purpose. "Is Tom black?" is a question I actually have to ask because the text sort of implies he is while also dancing around it and apparently Word of God said he's not??? which makes Buddy's comment nonsensical???? And I mean, you could go that route, since Buddy wonders to himself if Sammy talks to everyone like this -- HE ACTUALLY DOES!! Even within the text of the novel, he uses "Joey" instead of Mr. Drew, which is consistent with his audiologs in the game -- but that makes the writing suggest "this character THINKS this guy might be racist but actually they're reading too much into it and it wasn't racially motivated at all, he's just a jerk!!" wHICH IS SOMEHOW EVEN MORE ICKY??? Anyway like yeah I guess it's not inconsistent with his character that while Sammy Lawrence may not have any specific grudge against minorities he has probably not checked his privilege or done the work to challenge his own internal biases, but “Your Fav Probably Contributes To Systemic Racism In Ways He Hasn’t Considered, As Do We All When Our Assumptions Go Unchecked” is still a wild thing to wade through in a fun story about demonic cartoons

- but yknow so is T H E   H O L O C A U S T

- Sammy's voice is wrong. I'm actually okay with him being a weird awkward asshole, I already kind of assumed he was and that's part of why I like him!! but there's so many places he doesn't quite... talk like himself? And not just in terms of word choice, like -- so in his monologue at the end, he's described as talking so quickly that his words are "tumbling out faster than he can speak them," which initially seems fine; like yeah, that's a Standard Scene we're familiar with, the person who's been Driven Mad With Insight becoming more and more manic as they try to convey it -- until I tried to imagine it and realised that Sammy doesn't talk like this. That's a really consistent quality I always notice about his voice; whether he's almost giddily excited in prophet mode, or he’s his irritated and overworked human self, or he's violently angry and his voice has that echo effect -- he always speaks very deliberately. He enunciates carefully. There's some circumstances where I'd buy this as showing that he's Not Himself, but I feel like those would kind of need to be in the middle of his transformation, not at the end of it.

- In fact a lot of the scenes with Sammy kind of have this feeling -- that it's not necessarily an exploration of Sammy as a character, but that he is filling a trope or archetype role here. Once he's fully transformed he excitedly describes the process as more of a mental compulsion, which is in contrast to his weird yeerk-infected behaviour when trying to get ink from Miss Lambert. Both of those scenes don't seem wrong on their own because they fit tropes we know -- but they feel weird when you try to fit them together.

- I also just in general am not a fan of the ink acting like a weird yeerk. It can be a parasite I guess but when it starts overwriting and puppeting people and crawling around to enter their body that's just a completely DIFFERENT kind of supernatural story and it’s not what im here for!!!

- THE FREAKIN!!! HE WILL SET US FREE!!!! WHY????????? SAMUEL LAWRENCE WHAT IS HE SETTING YOU FREE FROM??????? Sammy has No Motive for any of what he's doing, other than just Ink Made Me Do It. The whole thing that was INTERESTING about Sammy as a character is the contrast between this frustrated, ornery musician with no specific love for the cartoons he works on, and the manically devoted cultist he becomes. What happened in the middle there? What made him desperate enough to shift his mindset so much? "Something supernatural made him do things that don't benefit him in any way" is a very boring answer to this question!!! Susie was a victim who implies that her transformation has forced her to do things she didn't want to do, but we can still see her motive -- she wanted to be Alice, so she took a sketchy offer to try to get what she wanted. Even now, her violence echoes that goal -- to be a more perfect Alice. What did Sammy want? WHO KNOWS. Even in his ink-addled state at the end, we don't understand what he hopes the Ink Demon will even do for him, and in fact he seems to be responsible for creating the very scenario he's begging Bendy to reverse in the game.

- [sighs loudly into my hands]

- Overall I'm left wondering if the author just..... didn't like Sammy Lawrence? And I don't mean that in the sense of him being a rude jerk -- like, Joey is not a good person, but the author seems to be interested in him and in what makes him tick. There doesn't seem to be that same interest in Sammy. Sammy's role in the story is that of a monster, transformed into something murderous, unable to prevent or choose it. He's not a victim of anyone but the ink, no one had to manipulate him or figure out how his brain worked or what he wanted or what he feared or give him any reason to do the things he does -- ink got in his mouth and overwrote his personality. And we don't even get to see that change, not really. He starts out angry and defensive and continues being angry and defensive up until his very last scene, denying his ink-stealing but not really much else. We see all his prophetic sketches but we never see hints of this in him, we never see him start to act more excited and hopeful, we never see him seek out the demon he desires to please. Why do we never see Sammy struggling between his dismissive angry front and a building religious fervour he can't quite suppress? We don't get to see any of the in-between. There's no interest at all in why or even what it looked like as Sammy became what he became, when, to be honest, I suspect interest in precisely that is one reason he's such a big fav.

- It's funny, in a "cries into my hands" kind of way, when Sammy is just knocked in the head while monologuing and immediately removed from the story without further mention, like...... that sure is the pattern with him, isn't it, he just tries very very hard and never actually gets to matter, but it also fits right in here, too, in this book that doesn't want to think about his motives -- he rambles nonsensically, explaining nothing, gets one trademark phrase, and then is hastily removed so the story doesn't have to think about him anymore.

...................I think that's most of it.

...

Y'all............ I'm not ready for Sent From Above.......... I'm just not.... I'm not emotionally ready...... like..... Sammy has to be in that right..... he’s Susie’s boss and she has that big crush on him..................................... I’m not ready

[awheckery]

It’s been a bit of a week, and I am, indeed, still working on <REDACTED>’s quilt, but because of what I’m doing on it right now I can’t show y’all any video or pictures of The Process without spoiling the surprise.

So let’s take a moment, instead, to talk about my personal salinity over Quilt Culture. Crafting Culture in general has capital-I Issues, but Quilt Culture specifically is... very, very White, and I acknowledge this as a lady so melanin-deficient I’m practically see-through.

A lot of people, from my experience and observation, have this idea that quilting is this staid old-white-lady hobby, involving consistent, largely uninteresting blocks and colors and patterns. They picture floral chintz, and dated ruffly guest room curtains, and ‘decorative’ blankets that you take off the bed before you actually sleep in it so you don’t ruin them.

That’s still an aspect of Quilt Culture in the here and now, but it’s a minority at best, because Quilt Culture has by and large embraced the joys of Color! and Texture! and Cultural Appropriation. Plus some casual racism just for spice, I guess?

In spite of the fact that modern quilting in the English-speaking world owes pretty much everything to the African-American quilting tradition, there’s absolutely no self-awareness there, so you end up with white Australian women selling “Tribal Bear // Indian Bear” baby quilt sets on Etsy, Frida Kahlo: Printed Novelty Fabric, and a decade-long top-selling quilt pattern with a prominent ethnic slur in the name.

You can’t make this shit up, you honestly can’t, and it pisses me off because you have these white folk (it’s not just women, ask me how much I dislike the glorification of male quilters sometime) who’ve worked to achieve mastery over fiber art techniques, but can’t be bothered to look outside once and a while and see it’s bad form to not only wholesale rip off the cultures and traditions of indigenous and black artists for Profit The Aesthetic, but to also spit in their faces while they’re at it. (Looking at you, Jen Kingwell Tula Pink Sarah Watson Whistler Studios Suzy Williams actually I’m gonna stop ‘cause this is getting depressing)

A N Y W A Y

I’ve got this whole “Don’t be an asshole” life principle, but spite is one of my most powerful motivators, so something I’ve been working on in odd hours is sort of a response to that one quilt pattern I mentioned above. It’s a popular pattern, I assume, because it’s visually interesting and technically challenging (read: badly written, there are actually several dozen quilt-along guides online to help people with it because Jen Kingwell the creator didn’t bother to learn how to write a pattern before releasing it and doesn’t seem to have improved much in the intervening decade), but I can’t rule out that people are enchanted by the name because it calls to their wild, Bohemian souls.

My wild, literal actual Bohemian* soul says to hell with that. I’m working on a quilt recipe composed entirely of traditional American star quilt blocks, assembled in such a way as to alarm and befuddle, without stepping on anybody’s neck or requiring arcane, pain-in-the-ass hand-sewn-only techniques.

Witness the progress of my spite, which I have dubbed American Meander:

I’m still figuring out the bottom left quadrant, but you can see where I’m going with it. There’s a lot of graph paper and math involved, just sayin’. Because of other projects, I probably won’t be able to get down to actually making it until the end of the year, but heads up, I will absolutely be posting about it here when I do.

[hardboiledfollower]

We gotta talk...

So, I kinda debated making this post. But, I think that I’m just gonna say it. Tumblr has a “xenophobia” problem.

I say that to mean two things: 1. People here rarely talk about subtle xenophobia and/or tend to accidentally dismiss it as “not as bad as other forms of oppression” and 2. People here have a tendency to actually be subtly xenophobic, mostly by accident, when talk about “immigrant demographics” as a whole; groups that people associate with immigration, Latin, Asian, etc.

So what do I mean? Well, here’s a few things that I’ve seen on here.*

Non-Americans try to explain their experiences with “racism” (really xenophobia, they’re using the wrong term) and be haughtily told that what they’ve experienced is xenophobia (which is true but don’t have an attitude about it) and them keep being punched down. Why do I think this xenophobic? Because, by being so rude and dismissive about it, you’re making the implication that xenophobia is not as important as racism or whatever they got confused with and the person experiencing it should sit down and shut up.

Non-American complain that Tumblr, the web in general, political attention, anything is so American-centric and their issues are never addressed because of that. Only to be haughtily told that they have no right to complain because this is an American site or whatever so they should sit down and shut up and not complain so much (do you see a pattern here?) Why is this xenophobic? Because people forget that the sites they complain about; Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, etc. are also used by people from all our the world and are in different languages. They are not just “American”. We could go to our “own sites” but we wouldn’t Reach out to so many different people if we did. You wouldn’t say the same thing if it was something like TikToc.

Venezuelans talk about their awful experiences living in Venezuela to spread awareness only to be told that there are some ultra rich conservative from Florida. Or told that there not really Venezuelan because why would they be typing in such good English. Or be Americansplained why America is really the ones at fault and how Maudro is just some poor victim who was fairly elected and not a human rights abuser and dictator who’s been rigging elections in Hugo Chavez’s favor (until he died) since 2005. That they should sit down, shut up and let us educated Americans stand up for them against the big, bad American invasion that is totally happening. I really don’t think I should explain why this is grossly xenophobic. It’s incredibly white savior-y (even the guy doing it isn’t white), incredibly ignorant of global politics, American-centric, is clearly just using a foreign country’s struggle for American political gains (because I’ve not seen an of y’all talk about Venezuela’s struggles after it went out of style)

People automatically assuming that just because you’re from not American or painting a entire different culture or religion as some sort of ignorant conservative or racist or homophobic or sexist, etc. Why is this xenophobic? Because, obviously, not everyone from a specific culture is like that. Because you are associating an entire people with an awful thing; something that they are also the victims of. Implying that we are ignorant foreigners who need to be enlightened by the more cultured westerners. Just because most Latin Americans cultures have racist pasts and elements don’t mean that all Latin people are not aware of this and don’t try to fight against it. You shouldn’t be waiting for somebody to slip up; just assuming the worse of them because you think the worse of their people and culture.

This is probably the most frustrating but it piggybacks off my last point. Which is Americans using the same xenophobic talking points that actual bigots use against a group when talking about important issues. I.E. talking about chronic anti-blackness in the Latin community ( a very, very important talking point that I agree with and should be talked about more honestly ) but bringing up violent MS-13 gangs and complaining that we’re moving into their neighborhoods. Or saying we need more Latin representation in movies but saying that this one doesn’t count because she’s lightly olive-skinned and dose not show off her culture enough so she’s “white”. Or saying that we don’t have our own social movements and are lazy and wait for others to create them for us.

Why is this xenophobic? Because they’re using the same rhetoric against us. Latins are not taking over your jobs and bringing violence. They’re taking over our neighborhoods and ignore their violent gangs that terrorize us; ignoring that we are very aware of these gangs because they mostly target other latins. Not all latins look the same. But they better in movies and they better be flaunting it constantly because how will I know that they’re Latin; even though her actress is Latina and acts using an accent and no other characters is told to flaunt their culture 24/7 for it to count. Latins aren’t lazy and mooching. Except they are because they steal our ideas. Ignoring things like the Chicano movement of the 60s, Ceasar Chavez, Filipino activist; Larry Itliong and the Delano grape strikes, the immigrant rights movement of the past few decades, #undocumented and unafraid. Ignoring that we do fight for ourselves, that’s it kinda hard to unite a community made of various and completely different countries and cultures, that we might have different priorities as a community at the moment, etc.

My point isn’t to punish people or make you feel bad. It’s to make you aware. So that people can learn to be better. So that true internationally can be possible. So that xenophobia is more well known. Because it’s not just cartoon bigotry. It’s not just complaining about illegals and locking kids in cages and building a wall and demanding someone speak English. It’s silencing immigrants and non-Americans. It’s assuming the worse of us and making assumptions. It’s saying that mean “you’re from a bad culture. I shouldn’t trust you.” And I know the people who say these things care sabot our causes. That they want to help. But, this is not the way to do it.

* Note: Most of the issues I’ve talked about concerned the Latin American community for one reason. I’m Latin American and I don’t feel comfortable talking about how this affects other cultures because I’m not exactly sure how this affect every single culture. Still, please note that this does affect other groups as a whole.

[kdenbibi]

Forgive, don’t forget

Bucky Barnes x Black!Reader

Request: “Could you do a bucky x black reader where she tries to get him up to date on the modern world and has to explain that the way poc’s are treated, especially blacks hasn’t changed?”

Summary: Bucky is a grumpy old man, but for good reason!!

Warnings: Racism, like one curse word, a hint of fluff ;D

Tag List: @chrisemi @mirajanestrauss1999

Authors note : I’m so sorry this took so long work has been trying to drain my soul , the devil trynna test me y’all lmao anyway I hope you like this!!! I’m sorry if its not what you wanted I tried my best :> Any who, Requests are open! -Admin A

Another cold day had come and gone, by the time I walked in my door the sun had long fallen, I had stepped inside my apartment expecting the traditional bear hug from my boyfriend I always got when I came home, but instead I was greeted with silence, after receiving no answer I began to tip toe in the rest of the way, alert, preparing myself for a robber or something awful, only to see the back of Buck’s head, his attention was entirely on on the television, that in and of itself was concerning, after all Bucky was from the 1940’s, him and modern technology just didn’t always end up well.If the silent greeting wasn’t clue enough the moment I saw him I could tell something was off, so I slowly walked over, tossing my bag on the nearby counter not really caring where it landed. “Hey baby?”

I spoke slowly coming up to his stone like form. I placed a tentative hand on his shoulder, pulling him from the screen. He finally turned away from what I now saw was the news, looking up at me from his seat on our couch, and if I wasn’t sure before I was now, something was definitely wrong. I shuffled around his body until I was sat next to him, out of instinct I reached for his hand, to my relief he returned the gesture, though he remained silent. I stared at the man before me, my brows creased in concern.

If you’re with someone long enough you get to know them better than yourself, and for me? Reading Bucky was as easy as breathing for me.

What gave him away most of the time was his eyes.

See, Bucky had these eyes, and yeah, they were beautiful, but what was really incredible about them was the stories they told, if he let you close enough, you could almost seethe stories, the pain, for a master assassin he was pretty bad about hiding the way he felt, but then again I always figured it was his own way of rebelling against what had been drilled into his head, he was always told to be a stone, an unmovable rock, but now that he had the freedom to be who he wanted, he was an open book.

To my dismay, at the moment he had that cold, unflinching anger resting in those baby blues. My worry increased ten fold, I’d only seen that look when he fell back down a few pegs, having lived the life he’s lived, there were always going to be slip ups, always moments where Bucky would slip away and the soldier would come back, moments where the life would fade from his eyes and things he thought too dark to show me would replace it, memories soaked deep with blood and pain, and even though these moments happened less and less as time went on, it didn’t make them any less horrifying to witness.

A breath I didn’t know I was holding released once he gave my hand two gentle squeezes, a signal this wasn’t an episode and he was still in control, my body instantly relaxed, I folded myself into his side, basking in the warmth that was Bucky, as I waited for him to open up.

Although he seemed relatively okay, he still hadn’t spoken, but I knew better than to rush him into it, so I took the chance to turn towards what had seemed to have gotten so far under his skin, Four figures, A black woman, a hispanic man and two white men sat at a long table discussing the very heavy, very unfortunate, topic of racism in America and how it mirrored the country’s dark past far too much for comfort.

I’d joined in mid debate but I could grasp the gist of that was happening, I’d grown accustomed to the uncomfortable, hot anger that came to me when i watched this kind of stuff, but to my surprise every person on the panel passionately disagreed with the nations handling of its ever growing racism and its inability to deal with it, all but one man.

”Now I’ll be clear here, as a God fearing American it is my right to say how i’m feeling and how i’m feeling is, you people are all too sensitive.” He went on, to the rest of the panels horror, to say how equality was the end of the world and to add the cherry on top of this shit show he ended up referring to the rest of his panel as, and i quote, “Colored loving pansy’s.”

yeah, he was the human embodiment of the feeling you get right before you throw up.

and the actual throw up.

I could only stomach a few minutes of hate speech spewing from his mouth, with a roll of my eyes I snatched the remote from my boyfriend’s hands and turned the channel, much to his dismay.

Yeah that’s enough bullshit for today.

“I was watching that.”

 He finally spoke, his tone matched irritated expression.

“Yeah well I can tell you how it was gonna end." 

I yawned leaning into the soft cushion, the weight of a hard days work finally seeped into my bones.

“Either he’d continue on with his little hate speech, or he’d get dragged to hell by the remaining three hair follicles hanging on his scalp for dear life.”

He shook his head sitting back into the faux leather cushions, a smirk just barly graced his handsome features.

The hand holding mine began to rub small circles into the back of my skin.

"You’d think I never left the 40’s with this shit happening as much as it is.” He scoffed still staring at the now black screen. I nodded into his shoulder, I knew how angry he could get with all the injustices in the world, after all he did fight in a war against people like this, so I could understand the irritation once seeing that the mindset hadn’t disappeared.

“So that’s what has you so upset?”

He shot me a half smile, his shoulders un-tensing as he brought our laced fingers to his lips. “Is it that obvious?” “Well I didn’t get my hug at the door so one could only assume.” He offered me an apologetic smile, before speaking up again. “I’ve been catching up, like you told me to and,” he sighed, the irritation flaring in his expression again.“-I’m angry.” I tossed my legs over his lap, his free hand subconsciously began to work it’s way over my outstretched limbs, a habit he had when his mind was running a mile a minute. “It’s pretty crap huh?” I leaned on my hand, watching his facial expressions closely. He gestured to the blank screen with a nudge of his head, a humorless laugh leaving his tight set lips. “This shit hasn’t stopped happening, I don’t know how it’s continued to go on but I-” the hand rubbing at my legs stopped as he spoke, his prosthetic fingers twitching as his anger rose. “I know what it’s like to live in a world that doesn’t want you, doesn’t appreciate you, but I’ll never know it like you do.” He looked hopeless, and I knew that feeling all too well, watch enough of that kinda crap and the world always look darker. I listened to him rant, a sympathetic smile on my face. “I’m angry because the world hasn’t changed at all, I’m angry because people like that can walk around freely but innocent, good hearted people get denied the chance of a decent life just because of what they look like-” he huffed cutting himself off. “I’m angry because it feels like all that fighting and death was for nothing, and like there isn’t a thing I can do to help.” I sighed removing my legs from his lap and folding them underneath me, grabbing both his hands I made him meet my eye. “I know how you feel baby- trust and believe I know, and I won’t lie to you it’s not easy, it is frustrating that the world hasn’t changed all that much but it is better than before, and it will keep getting better, because of people like you, people who acknowledge the problem, and want to do something about it.” My thumb traced patterns into the flesh of his cheek as i spoke.

“And because we’ve always made it though we may not all look alike or share the same blood but people who struggle and fall together get back up together just as easy." 

He was silent a moment, and I could see the walls of anger he no doubt had been brooding in begin to crack.

"Aren’t you angry?”

“Of course I’m angry, I’m absolutely livid, but I’ve turned that anger into a source of power. People who look like me have always been at the short end of the stick, and let me tell you, acting through strength rather than anger is a hell'uva lot more helpful than letting that rage get the best of us.” He sat there, drinking in my words, so I continued.

“They don’t get our rage, they don’t get our pain, what they get is a calm grace, because in the end, people with hate in their hearts end up alone and angry, and they deserve nothing more than that.”  

With a slow nod of his head I could visibly see the stress chipping off his shoulders the more time ticked on. I swooped up to steal a kiss from his unsuspecting lips.

 "I meant what i said too, it really helps to have people like you in the world, not everyone is an evil bastard I promise, The world can be good, don’t lose faith too soon. “ 

He sighed staring down at me, arms wrapping their way around my waist, the butterfly’s he gave me went bonkers as his hands settled gently on my hips, his grip tight but not uncomfortable.

 "I know it can be good, it gave me you after all.”

 I made a face pushing myself away from the taller man.

 "Ew, Buck that was corny!“ I whined, he pulled me back into his embrace,a soft laugh accompanying his action, and as gently as one could, he smashed my face back into his warm chest. I squirmed against his hold until he let me up, the smile was back in his eyes, just where it belonged. I smacked his arm for the dirty move before I leaned forward on my own, finally getting my end of the day hug. He tucked a stray curl away from my face, leaning down to press a warm, slow kiss into my lips.

"Sorry for that- I didn’t mean to get so worked up." 

I laughed at his words, pecking his cheek before responding.

"Never apologize for being woke my man." 

His goofy smile morphed into absolute confusion.

"What does me being awake have to do with any of this?”

I rolled my eyes at the both literal and figurative old man, rising from his lap with a laugh. “I’m serious!” He yelled at my retreating figure. 

(Bonus)

Later that night, the universe blessed me with a moment I’ll treasure as long as I lived, and Buck would cringe at whenever I brought it up, as I woke from bed at a way too early time, I shuffled like a zombie to the fridge for some much needed water, I was surprised to see the soldier standing silently in our kitchen, the only reason I knew it was him was the bright blow light from his phone screen painting his face, I prepared my dry throat to call out to the man, who by the way had no type of business just chilling in our kitchen at 4 AM like that, and question him only to be interrupted by his harsh whisper.

“Siri, what does being woke mean?”

[shaunfloyd-blog]

a list of hikers;

i just left namibia. what a sad thing to say. my attachment to this country is more deeply rooted than ‘it was a cool country, i saw lots of epic landscapes and lions and shit’. people define a country more than anything else and it is the culturally diverse people of namibia who made my experience unforgettable. haha man that’s cheesy, but it’s what i’m saying.

in namibia, and perhaps all of southern africa it is very common for people to hitch hike, more commonly known as hiking. now, i have a car. in it is two vacant seats. it would be pretty inconsiderate to drive past people walking along the road, kilometers from any signs of life, so i picked up a few. here are their stories. (if i was worth my salt i would have photos of each of their faces but all i can offer is my words. and this irrelevant photo of the car with elephants walking by. sorry).

Unknown #1: a short, timid Damara kid got a ride with me along the way to Hoada Community Campsite. he wrung the hell out of his floppy hat the whole journey but was vibing when i put Kendrick on.

Robby: legend. favourite namibian. father of 5 plus or minus 3. super intelligent and well-travelled for a Herero growing up in tiny, rural Warmquelle (he was the youngest to start schooling when the school opened, at 7 years old). i picked him up on the 4x4 track to ongongo falls and along the way he explained the corruption behind the ‘community camp’. none of the absurdly priced N$500 nightly camping fee goes to the community, instead landing in some rich businessman’s lap in windhoek. to combat this and attempt to maintain trust in tourists visiting the area he started his own campsite right next door. also, him and a colleague published a book of original poems capturing Herero traditions, in the hope that what is written will not be forgotten.

Unknown #2: Herero teen and his mother jumped in as robby jumped out. the mother didn’t speak english so she didn’t speak. the son was drunk so he spoke excitedly but mostly incoherent. when we arrived at their small farm (~5 cows, <20 goats) i was introduced to the rest of the family who remained seated in the shade of their mud hut. i was told that i could take photos but the family didn’t look impressed to see me there so i left. the boy asked for money for beer and i said no.

Herero Schoolkids: i honestly don’t know how many kids squeezed into my two spare seats but it was at least 7. out of bushes and huts they ran screaming and giggling into the car, and didn’t stop for almost the whole journey. each time everyone was silent for a minute they would burst out in laughter, humoured by the silence. i took their photo on my film camera and the eldest asked urgently for a copy so i took down their school address and intend to send one from malawi. i don’t think they liked my music. i dropped them in opuwo.

Rejection #1: a Herero mother looked deep into my eyes and mistook my tired, sun-affected watery eyes for drunkenness. her daughter translated “you can go”. i translated further to “keep driving creep”.

Young Punk: he had a short mohawk. i drove him 1km up the road to a shebeen.

Rejection #2: a woman waved me down, squinted at me, then walked away.

Themba Boy: my friend. mentioned in my previous post. i drove him back to reception where his mum was.

Himba Couple: outside the hippo pools campgrounds a Himba couple approached and enquired “Ruacana?” and i responded with a thumbs up. this couple could’ve been royalty. the man was handsome and well-dressed in vibrantly patterned modern-africa-man attire. the woman was tall, lean and radiant from having a newborn child. she moved with confidence and grace, except when she had to get in and out of the car (their traditional jewellery is not designed for this). i mentioned before that they didn’t speak english so we didn’t talk much. my eyes were repeatedly drawn to hers in the rear-view mirror. they were beautiful, but more striking was the calm and knowing look within them. i dropped them at a government building in town which i could only assume is where they collect an allowance. the spell under which they had put me burst.

Junior: the young son of the Ovambo caretaker for the Ondangwa missionary accompanied me to town. his big eyes bulged out of his head, giving the impression of constant curiosity. i tried to start a conversation but each question was combated with a conclusive ‘yes’. he only spoke otherwise when we needed to turn or when we went passed his school. there were around 40 elderly people waiting at the post office for income from family, usually working in windhoek. it was too hot to deal with the stares confronting me so we left and went to pick n pay to sit in the air conditioning. those big expectant eyes and swinging legs, along with more stares from customers made it impossible to relax so i bought the kid his first ever kinder special and drove back to the missionary.

Mistikal Rapper: i was beginning to feel a little guilty, having passed a few people without stopping so when i saw a smiling man hailing me down i skidded to a stop. he was waiting outside a Kavango village of 50-100 people, dressed smartly in an ironed white shirt and dress pants, and accompanied by a suitcase. he spoke ethusiastically. he was on his way to renew his passport in Ondangwa so that he could take a trip to south africa. his original plan was to go next month but as a business owner, it didn’t make sense to leave during ‘money month’. Ovambos from the city migrate home in december to holiday with their families so spending goes up. instead he will go next year some time when business is quiet. i asked about his business and he responded with a brief of his life, as people tend to do here. after schooling he had moved to windhoek, ‘became a rasta’ (this isn’t the first i’ve heard of rasta culture in namibia), and started a reggae band. a few years later his uncle offered him work helping to run a store in his home village so he returned. him and his uncle didn’t agree on business matters so he started his own, and he now owns two ‘corner store’ style shops selling newspapers, tobacco etc. he still plays music and is about to record a second song which he is excited about because his message will reach more people. a message, i gathered, of one people, without tribalism or racism.

Maria: as Mystical Rapper got out of the car, expressing gratitude for having started his day with meeting me, a young Kavango woman with concern contorting her face, nervously asked for a free ride to Nkurenkuru, 153km down the road, because, y’see she had no money because her uncle had sent her some but the postal system had failed so she had no money and could she please ride for free. “yeah, it’s fine” i replied casually. “thank you so so much” as she got in. she spoke awkwardly of her uncle’s guesthouse where she worked as a kitchenhand, cooking mostly traditional meals of meat and pap. the conversation soon died and she napped for some time, waking to scold a couple we picked up along the way who weren’t gonna pay which is fine with me but no they must pay. haha hypocrite. before i dropped her off she showed me where to get a nice lunch at ‘Smart Bar’ and took me to the Kavango River where half a dozen big black people happened to be bathing naked. a grand procession was taking place in front of her uncle’s guesthouse, to celebrate the president coming to speak. to fill you in, the one and only SWAPO party has lost confidence in their leader and the senate is to vote on a new one. this is dividing the party for the first time since independence in 1990, it seems.

Michael: the young man was genuinely stoked to be given a lift 2 km to Nkurenkuru town, showing his gratitude with a long handshake and an exchange of names.

Unknown #3: she was finishing her final year of studying education at rundu, 100km from her home village. i had seen more of namibia than she had. she hadn’t been to windhoek but hoped to move there after first working at a school near her village for a few years. her family has cattle, goats and sheep. they fish from the river and once relied on it to bathe and collect water but now there is a tare which makes it expensive. her brother has a VW golf which she hopes to learn to drive in but he is usually busy working as a police officer. this girl had a healthy level of skepticism about me and wouldn’t let me drop her where she was staying. this i understand. guys are often creepy here.

Chubby Girl: the young lady needed a ride to the next town to go to the hospital. she never said why. she carried with her a bucket with a lid on it. i asked what was in the bucket and she said ‘porridge’, meaning the mealie pap. her eyes smiled with wisdom beyond her years.

[saxophonekory]

Unpopular Pro-Trans Opinions:

Hey there, Kory here; and to celebrate having reached 130 followers, I have a milestone special that's going to cost me a lot of followers! Yay! So, I've been meaning to make this post, for a while, because as a supporter of trans-rights, I see a lot of ideas thrown around that group of activists that make me kinda understand why people think the whole concept is so crazy; but I was torn over how it may be alienating to my followers. But now that I have a big enough following where losing followers shouldn't be that big a deal, let's get into the list! #1. Minors Should Not Be Allowed To Transition - Sure, many would compare this to minors getting tattoos, but minors transitioning is a completely different ballpark. Tattoos are cheap, and so is removal, when you compare it to most sugeries. Transitioning, on the other hand, is mind-numbingly expensive; and when you transition, the odds that you could afford to reverse it are slim. Plus, even if you could, with medicine's current abilities, it could leave the transitionee with unsatisfactory results. You may roll your eyes at me for saying this, but people transitioning and feeling unhappy with their choice not only can actually happen, but has actually happened; and in many cases, people have killed themselves over it. Transitioning is a tough decision, and is one that you need to think over, a lot; and hence, I don't feel minors have feasible responsibility to make such a tough decision. #2. There Are Only Two Genders - I know, you're probably getting annoyed with hearing this one, but hear me out. I believe trans identities are valid, because studies have shown up demonstrating such. If you don't understand what I mean, humans a sexually dimorphic species. Sexual dimorphism is a trait of certain species that causes biological charecteristics to differ between the two sexes; for humans, at least, dimorphism exists in both how the body and the brain are built; and the brain is the particular focus of the point I'm framing. This difference is hence, accompanied by a noticable difference in behavioral tendencies exhibited, between the two sexes. The importance of this fact to my point is that there are recorded instances in which people have shown signs of brain development patterns extremely similar to the opposite sex. For nonbinary people, no evidence has surfaced to show that such is also the case fo them. In fact, whether/not that's even possible is strongly debatable. Sorry, but at the end of the day, the concept of nonbinary genders seem less valid, and more just like an arbitrary response to seeing trans people be validated. #3. Transitioning Should Not Be Free - (This one is more centered in the United States, but there are other countries where this priciple applies) It pains me to say this, but the United States can't afford free healthcare; with our current debts, the brink of war, and the already ongoing wars, our economy may not be able to survive making healthcare free. And as long as such is the case, I believe it's only fair that you have to pay for your transition. Like the rest of our economy, medicinal practice also has a line between needs and wants; and as is, there's procedures that are far more important that are twice, five times, or ten times, if not twenty times as expensive. Keep in mind, kidney transplants cost over $200,000.00 dollars, heart transplants cost over $700,000.00, and if you're unlucky enough to need an intestinal transplant, you could be paying more than a wopping $1,000,000.00 just to save your life. If you can acknowledge that fact, and yet still tell yourself reassignment surgery is a special exception, you're less of an activist, and more of a selfish prick. #4. Transtrenders Do Exist; It's Not Just A Dickish Slur - Do not take this the wrong way, I'm not saying all trans people are just being trendy; hell, I'm not even saying most are. However, there are people out there who do fake being trans to fit in, especially in areas where the idea of trans pride is a more popular movement. There do exist people out there who unwittingly do it too; essentially, being given the wrong idea about the concept, and treating it like it's some sort of fashion material. #5. It Is Safe To Assume - As a gay man, I face similar experiences with assumptions; and even having those experiences, I can still safely say assuming is not such a fucking crime. Such is the case, because statistics show that the majority are straight, and that cis are also the majority; people generally make those assumptions, because the odds of their assumption being wrong are little to nothing. In my experince, politely correcting them usually works; and if that doesn't work, I dunno what to tell you, except they're just dicks. #6. Gender Is Not Just A "Social Construct" - The concept of gender is the observation of the biological and neurological difference between the sexes. That's not a social construct, it's a scientific fact. Plus, even if it were just a "social construct", why would the transgender concept even be a thing, in the first place? #7. Older People Have An Excuse To Misunderstand - Transgender rights are only only very recently being validated; and just a few decades ago, not too many people even considered the concept. Not to mention, the elderly were brought up in a time when even racism was socially-acceptable; so, you can't really blame them for misunderstanding this concept. If a baby boomer doesn't understand the concept, you should be especially patient with them. #8. Children Should Be Raised Cis, Until They Suggest Otherwise - Children, especially ones of very early childhood will most likely not properly understand the concept; and raising them cis, until they begin to understand the concept of trans identities will allow them to consider it with much less confusion. For you to simply force trans identities will only distort their understanding of it. #9. Just Being Trans Is Not An Accomplishment - I'm looking at you, Caitlyn Jenner! As a gay guy, I can relate to this situation. When people find out I'm gay, their typical response is to congradulate me; and if their was anything to make me roll my eyes any harder, I would probably pull a muscle. Seriously, I like dick, it's not like I cured prostate cancer; and like being gay, being trans is just a birth circumstance; it has no indication over how you are as a person. Possessing such traits does not make you any superior or inferior to others. #10. Getting Treaten Like Shit Does Not Justify Demonizing Cis People - Even as a cis person, I am still gladfully supportive of trans-rights. Yes the people who antagonized you were cis, but to throw them all under the bus paints them all as transphobic, which is simply not the case; this is the same logic used to justify most modern hate groups' ideologies and actions. #11. Simply Being Unattracted To Trans People Is Not Transphobia - Y'know, it's funny too, because I've seen most of our movement complain about "fetishization". Being unattracted to you is not a personal judgement of you; people are not obligated to find you attractive. As a gay man, I obviously am a pretty big fan of the dick, and I'm personally disgusted by the vagina; and I would personally prefer a relationship that is both romantic and sexual. Having said that, I would not date a pre-op trans boy; and for post-op, that depends on how well the trans penis resembles a regular penis (I personally see a visual perfection to the structure of the penis that can be very easilly ruined.). For a pre-op trans woman, it depends on whether/not they plan to become post-op; and for post-op, no. I don't have any personal issues with trans people; it's just, for sexual partners, if you don't have a dick, you're not gonna stick. I think people who call it transphobia are basically on level with people who act like little bitches, because they got "friendzoned". Keep in mind, these people don't choose to find you unattractive; I think the gay rights movement has made that fact explicit enough, the past fifty years. #12. If You're Developing A Sexual Relationship With Someone, Your Gender Identity Is Their Business - If you are in a sexual relationship with someone, and you are knowingly hiding a trait of your body that you know for a fact would automatically make your partner uncomfortable, that is an act of rape; birth-gender is not an exception. These people do not choose to be uncomfortable with that, and they have every right to sexually disconsent that you do. If you don't let your sexual partner know this, and proceed to sexually interact with them, I'm sorry, but what you are doing is wrong, and you should be ashamed of yourself. They have every right you have to diconsent to sex, it's not all about you, their consent matters just as much as yours.

[articulate-response-blog]

#NotAllX

This is a break from the usual format of a response to an article; rather here I’ll be articulating some of my thoughts about the idea around the hashtag #NotAllX. Of course, X in this case stands for Men or White People, as in the hashtags #NotAllMen and #NotAllWhitePeople. Interestingly, X isn’t normally replaced with anything else, except "men” and “white people”. I don’t “use” the tag myself, but it’s come to stand for (and become a straw man of) a particular argument.

I can’t speak to the motivations behind all users of the tag, but as a white male, the gist of it is something I have felt deeply before: why do you need to frame your statement with the idea that all men or all white people benefit or are responsible for whatever the topic of the day is?

I mostly see these kinds of generalizing statements on Twitter, which means that arguing against their rhetoric is hard in 140 characters. Luckily, a twitter user with the handle @AdrianCJax has a thread wherein they offer an explanation:

Imagine 13 kids (weird number, i know, but it’ll make sense soon enough): 10 of them wear white t-shirts, 3 of them, brown tees.

Everyday, the “white tee kids” get to leave class early to attend lunch ahead of everyone else, the “brown tee” kids follow afterwards.

Unfortunately, like clockwork, the 3 brown tee kids are bullied by 6 of the 10 white tee kids waiting for them & steal their lunch money.

Ok, hold on, I was with you before. My issue with this explanation is that it uses a generalization- the idea that a majority of white people are bringing physical violence to blacks- in an attempt to dismiss arguments against generalization (the #NotAllX hashtag). 

I’m assuming that most people who have an issue with generalization and “use” the tag are people who aren’t exposed to the racism or sexism that is experienced by POC and women. Let me be clear here: I’m using exposed to mean “see and witness discrimination firsthand,” rather than “targeted or effected by such discrimination.” I understand that institutional discrimination, sexism, misogyny, et. al, exist, but in my lifetime, I have not been a witness to these forces playing out in front of me.

Further, I understand that this is the idea of “white male gaze”- as a white male, I most likely will not and can not understand the world in these terms of discrimination, only through my own privilege. That’s why I think it’s important for arguments dismissing concerns of generalization- like @AdrianCJax’s above- to couch their points in terms outside of overtly obvious experiences of this discrimination. For me, it’s hard to believe that generalization is warranted when you’re telling me that a majority of “whites” in this scenario are bringing physical violence to “blacks”- even if that is true, it’s not something I can really internalize as a given for this example. As @AdrianCJax goes on to say, “if you are white and/or male, you know absolutely nothing about these issues...”

So, naturally, the brown tee kids are upset and alert the teacher: “Hey, those white tee kids keep stealing our lunch money every day!”

Now, the other 4 white tee kids who aren’t bullies- in fact, they dislike the 6 white tee bullies- are upset at what they hear... BUT...

they target their frustration not towards the bullies... but at the brown tee kids: “Hey, hey, hey... Not ALL white tee kids stole your money!”

And the pattern continues: 6 white tees bullied 3 browns... the brown tees address their frustration... the 4 white tees snap at brown tees.

I’ll interject here to say that I disagree with the idea that #NotAllX users are targeting their frustrations towards the victims and doing nothing otherwise. We are frustrated that, even if we were to completely align with your view and work with you, we would still be labeled as aggressors. Our frustrations work both ways; we are angry that the other white tee shirt kids are taking advantage of you, and we’re also angry that you don’t seem to care that we are working with you. 

Now, if one had an ounce of empathy, you would ask yourself, “Wait... if 4 of the white tee kids hate bullying, why snap at the victims?...”

”...Obviously, the 6 bullies are gonna continue stealing the brown tee kids’ lunch money until someone intervenes and helps.”

I’ll reiterate: this argument misses the mark because it tries to dismiss concerns of generalization with generalizations. Furthermore, this is a loaded example: OBVIOUSLY, the 6 white tee shirt kids who are bullying the brown shirt kids are at fault. OBVIOUSLY, the 4 white tee shirt kids need to start helping the brown shirt kids. But the situations where generalization is unfairly applied aren’t that simple, aren’t loaded, and generalization is almost never applied in this fashion. 

For example, a tweet I saw today read: “Lmfaooo white men are so committed to racism that they will stab themselves,” referencing a news article about a man stabbing himself despite claiming that he was stabbed due to his “neo-nazi haircut.” 

Ok, so who are the white and brown shirt kids in this instance? If I say “not all white men are committed to racism,” then are you seriously going to tell me that “well 6 out of 10 white men are committed to racism and so the other four of you should be trying to help” when the article is specifically about one crazy white man who stabbed himself? 

So what if we reverse the roles, and examine this example from another perspective? If I simply wrote “POC men are so committed to the idea of racism that they stab themselves,” implying that the man stabbed himself in order to claim that he was stabbed by a neo-nazi, would it be fair to generalize POC men for their non-existent commitment to racism?

“Surely not,” one might say, “racism isn’t about prejudice towards a race, it’s about being disadvantaged by societal institutions. This POC is disadvantaged by society’s institutions and so even if he stabs himself in order to further a false idea, he can’t be racist.” This is just an extension of the “POC can’t be racist” and “women can’t be sexist” argument. These arguments rely on differing definitions of what racism and sexism mean, which isn’t really helpful at all.

The author of the tweet above goes on to say: 

For the not all group : Men MEANS plural form of man. meaning MORE THAN ONE MAN. Not ALL MEN. Any group with more than one man = MEN.

Yes, this is a correct summary of plurals in the English language. But, once again, the story is about “ONE MAN” who stabbed himself, not “MEN.” So why use “men?”

Also:’ If you are a white person who isn’t stopping other WP? You should be generalized. Because YOU benefit from the harm that other WHITE PPL DO.

Again, this feels more like a rebuttal of the idea that “white men are so committed to racism that they will stab themselves.” How am I supposed to stop one white man from stabbing himself? What harm is he doing by being an idiot and stabbing himself? Furthermore, this is a non sequitur: the author says that whites who aren’t allies should be generalized, because they benefit from the harm. But surely whites who are allies would benefit from the harm as well? There is no boundary for whom this harm will benefit within “white people” as a group. And so all whites, even allies, end up getting generalized anyways.

The idea that whites and men need to step up and “stop” others from perpetuating discrimination and harm against minorities is a legitimate one, and so is the idea that those same people benefit from the harm that those others are doing. But neither of these ideas work in favor of generalization. Separating the two groups is crucial to the general understanding that progress is being made. 

The fact that @AdrianCJax had to write a thread explaining the issues with #NotAllX perfectly summarizes the issue with generalization. Generalization tells whites and men that their contributions don’t matter; they’ll be considered as aggressors and the enemy no matter what. @AdrianCJax’s thread further tells whites and men that there’s no guarantee they won’t be generalized, but in order to help minorities they should “shut up, listen, and align.” Or, in other words, they should contribute. Which, as generalization tells them, doesn’t actually matter. They’ll be generalized anyways.

Generalization isn’t a call to action for whites or men, it’s just a way to put them down and it encourages polarization and tribalism. 

[collectivetey]

Shout out to that one new recurring nightmare for making some of us want to die first thing in the morning, Yet Again. Had hoped it was fading but, nope, still keeping things fresh I see.

Not much point dwelling on it though, it’s just easier to keep undesirables out of control if I log it somewhere For Our Records, because OCPD and so on.

In other news, it looks like CJ finally cast a metaphorical net wide enough into the innerverse abyss to lure out someone who should be more capable of going back to college later this year than I am. I updated the collective charts the other day, but I didn’t realize they’d already dabbled in a few reblogs here and there. Seems our co-consciousness isn’t great, but then, I guess that’s kind of the point.

Need to do more house cleany stuff, along with hoping CJ can keep better tabs on Viper than I can in terms of preparing for school shit that I can’t do and that CJ had replaced by her Prime Directive years ago.. Heh, all this shit going on the past few months, no wonder that ulcer started bleeding the other day. Woo. Wonder if the GI will try to do another pill cam with us, or just go ahead and do our yearly endoscopy. Not particularly looking forward to either option. Whenever the fuck their entire office even comes back from holiday shit, that is. Hopefully this week or next.

Oh right, I needed to write down the endocrinologist bullshit, For Our Records.

The primary recorded our thyroid as being low twice and sent us to the endocrinologist to see why it kept dipping out of the normal range like that. But by the time we saw the endocrinologist, she apparently had already made up her mind about us, just from the paperwork. She decided we were Just Anxious since the thyroid wasn’t low enough, in her opinion, to cause palpitations the way we’ve been getting them. Conveniently ignored me when I specified that I’ve noticed a pattern of them getting worse about a week before The Crimson Tide hits, and I never even got the chance to tell her we have cardiac deconditioning, which I’m fairly certain would make the heartrate wonky even with a low-but-not-extremely-low thyroid, before she ushered us out.

Along with dismissing us as Just Anxious in terms of the palpitations, she was also soo very sure that it was gonna be low cortisol causing our other symptoms. She gave us a prescription for hydrocortisone or whatever it’s called, and tried to put us on some anti-anxiety shit too, then rushed me away rather than listening to anything I said about the pattern of when the palpitations occur having nothing to do with what we were actually doing/thinking about/et cetera. She claimed that the results of testing our cortisol and a couple other things definitely WOULD, as if she knew for a fact, be back in two days, which would be the day before Christmas Eve. When the results came in, we could either stay on the hydrocortisone or stop taking it if the cortisol was normal.

Fuck, I was gonna ask for the test results printed out but she rushed us off so fast the last time after washing her hands of us, ugh..

Anyway, two days later, shocker, results weren’t back, and they didn’t open again until the Wednesday after Christmas. When we tried calling Publix to ask how much it would be, they told us $16, and our broke asses can’t be paying $16 for shit we might not even end up needing, so we had to wait for the results. Finally when they got them, they claimed the doctor would call us back later with the results, which never happened. Instead some other person in the office called back to tell us that the shit tested was in fact within the normal range, though the ACTH was on the low side. With that in mind, from what I can gather, I wouldn’t be surprised if the cortisol was on the high side, since low ACTH and high cortisol seems to be what happens with high stress. But she couldn’t tell me that without losing face after being so fucking sure of herself, so. Maybe we can get the actual results from the primary sometime, and see what the endocrinologist refused to tell us about the actual results.

Anyway, because the ACTH was on the lower side of the normal range, Random Office Person said to continue taking the shit we were prescribed until our follow-up. So we went and got it, but, surprise surprise, I think it was that same day, the body started pooping blood again. One of the risks for hydrocortisone is stomach bleeding, so I opted to wait until we could actually speak to her about that at the follow-up, before risking anything. 

At said follow-up she agreed that that was a wise choice and tuned me right the fuck out again at that point, not even a full five minutes for a fucking $45 appointment, just for her to say “Oh yeah, you were right not to take that, sounds like an ulcer’s bleeding, see your GI and take Tums, you’re free of me now! : )”

In retrospect, I’m sure that just confirmed her “welp, bitch has anxiety and gave herself a stomach ulcer, not my problem!” theory. It’s weird when you can just ffeeeel that someone has already made a decision about you before meeting or speaking with you, watching them rush you through a conversation without listening to anything you’re saying that doesn’t fit in with their preconceived notions. Gotta love the rampant dehumanization that comes with Chronic Illness Hell, mmboy. Now if only that shit were restricted to said Chronic Illness Hell rather than invading most aspects of our existence in a society built on racism/ableism/sexism/et cetera, heh.

So anyway. Yeah. Time to schedule with the GI again. And probably the cardio, too, we’re way overdue to reschedule with them for a check-up and if the endocrinologist refuses to get her head out of her own ass then I guess to be on the safe side we should at least keep the cardio up to date on developments. If it’s not the deconditioning combined with whatever keeps making our thyroid dip out of the normal range, thanks for fucking nothing with explaining why that keeps happening endocrinologist, then I don’t know what to do.

Actually, I guess we should probably see a gyno after the GI, still not liking how cyst-y the ovaries seem to be and how long the tide seems to drag on and how the cramps and various symptoms seem to kick in sooner and last longer these days.. Yaay nausea-inducing inevitability..

I should probably not dwell much on that. So it goes, so it goes.

Since the body seems to be awake, I guess I’ll probably dabble in Overwatch more or something, and/or sketch more stuff, until the spouse is awake. Which should be soon, I think, assuming other shit didn’t run long or something..

Heh, iron pills still messing with our stomach but sitting around for a six-hour iron transfusion sounds inconvenient at best and kinda terrifying at worst, so, whoooo knows how that’ll go.. heh, yeah, should stop thinking about Chronic Illness Hell stuff for now..

At least we seem to be making headway with learning more about drawing/coloring hair to our liking.. Now if only curls weren’t so fucking hard to accurately color. We’re probably gonna have to keep it massively simplified or something, at least for the more cartoony-styled cell-shaded stuff, feh.

Yeah.. I guess that’s it for the moment.